sulk across the sky (the same flower that smiles today)

[Tie Dye Tuxedo]

Open wide my doors again
In almost aggregate disconnect:
Throw ajar the windows and jeer
A ritual sort of disrespect
To the hidden jungle outside my home
A parade of the discreet notions
That trample through my living-room

Hooves and sneakers and tennis shoes
Tear my from nightmares where I'm being stabbed
Not quite to death, oh I'll be sore in the morning while
I'm kissing the phantoms of things that have passed
I'll feel bad because this isn't the way that love is supposed to last

Hooktailed and camel-backed
Pachydermatous, onieric
A beautiful girl.

Sulks across the sky: still-moving canvas of stars
and of suns. Moons full of lies
Mars and our enemy: Venus should fall
Mercury and Vulcan are far too close to a star.

rats live. to read backwards.
Because tomorrow it will be dying.

[Calliope]

'I'll feel bad because this isn't the way that love is supposed to last'
^ To me that line jarred - it doesn't feel as poetic as the rest.

'Pachydermatous, onieric'
I love the sound of that. Yeah, I had to use a dictionary to find out what it meant, but I love it anyway

All in all I enjoyed this

[Isis]

The first two stanzas are excellent. The rhythm works to get the words moving in a certain direction, and they don't flow back and forth and run into each other, which is something that occasionally happens in your poetry [and which works sometimes, but not all the time]. I'm a little hard pressed to critique the beginning because it was so enjoyable to read.

Not quite to death, oh I'll be sore in the morning while

The longer line works in the L4 and 5 of this stanza, but this one is a little bit awkward. This is something that would work out loud or in a song because of emphasis but loses it on paper.

In the space between s3 and s4 it seems like "a beautiful girl" should extend on to the next stanza; she is everything as described before but she also sulks across the sky. And if she doesn't sulk across the sky, who or what does? Does anything but the stars and planets? Is it supposed to be vague?

rats live. to read backwards.
Because tomorrow it will be dying.

these fragments are all intruging on their own and in the ways that they don't match up - I'm trying to make them fit together, but they don't really; it seems like there is a beginning or an ending to each sentence that got dropped, and all you've kept are these snips of images. The end feels like a puzzle to me.