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jack123
12-15-2008, 04:49 PM
This is a follow-on from my last thread Christmas Drama Scripts

VIOLET AND gary's house, Violet and Gary’s, Gary is eating breakfast with Kenzie


KENZIE:

So, here we go again.

GARY:

((not prepared to react to Kenzie))

Yeah, another year comes to an end.

KENZIE:

No, you know what I mean, mate.

GARY:

((Resigned))

I know. New Year is almost overshadowed by this.

KENZIE:

Well, you decided to get married on New Year's Eve.

GARY:

(disagreeing)

Actually, we decided to get married a few weeks ago but your girlfriend ruined it.

KENZIE:

(sympathetic)

I know. Louise and I are sorry. It won't happen again, I assure you.

CUT

An inner city street, Brian gets out of his car and reads silently a piece of paper with an address on. He goes to the address.

BRIAN:

(while knocking on the door)

Jake! Matt! (pauses) I know you are in their. (pauses) Look, open the door, or otherwise I'll have to make my own way in there!

A man opens the door

BRIAN:

Hi, get the Chuckle Brothers. Both of them.

(Louder, and angry)

Now!

The man gets Matt and Jake, who appear at the front door. Brian then violently drags both of them from the house into his car.

CUT

BARKING, IG11

RUBY:

It's just us tonight.

Claire:

(shocked)

what, on New Year's Eve? Where's your dad?

RUBY:

Out. We'll just have to bear with it. If it gets really busy, I'm sure that Debbie can lend a hand.

CLAIRE:

(offended)

That Debbie, you so eloquently put it, is actually one of my best mates and certainly not a voluntary worker.

RUBY:

(casually)

Fine, I'll pay her. You never know, she might do a good job and my dad can get her full-time to replace you.

Claire pulls a bemused face

CUT

Hospital, Simon's room- Ann walks in with baby Giles

Simon:

(pleased to see Ann)

Ah, great to see you. You'll never guess what. (He pauses)They said i can go home today. Isn't that just fantastic?

Ann:

(pleased)

Really? Yeah, that's great. They'll be no partying tonight, though.

SIMON:

(disheartened, confused)

Oh, were you planning on going out tonight?

ANN:

No, I've got Giles to look after.

(produces a small grin)

We've got Giles to look after. We'll have a family New Year. Hey, it's Violet and Gary's wedding today.

Simon:

(confused)

I thought they got married last month.

ANN:

No, Louise ruined it, remember? She thought Violet was evil or something stupid like that.

CUT

Church, Louise and kenzie are Standing in a pew

KENZIE:

(whispering yet firmly)

Hey, just sit and watch, yeah? No interruptions.

Louise:

(innocently)

Yeah,I know. I made a mistake, that's all.

'Here comes the bride' starts to play as Violet begins to walk majestically down the church aisle.

KENZIE:

(whispering, proudly)

Here comes my sister.

Gary is seen waiting proudly with his face away from Violet.

CUT

Rural lane, Brian is speeding in his BMW with Matt and Jake in the back

Matt:

(annoyed, yelling)

Where you taking us? Come on Brian its New Years Eve!

Brian keeps a straight, focused face and keeps silent.

Jake:

Brian, look Matt is sorry.

MATT:

(defiantly)

No, I'm not.

JAKE:

(to Matt, shouting)

Look, do you want to live in 2009 or what?

MATT:

(to Jake but watching to see if Brian reacts)

He won't kill us. He won't even hurt us. He hasn't got the balls.

BRIAN:

(as he drives the car into a small, rural lane)

Are you quite sure about that?

The car comes to a screeching stop by a woodland.

CUT

CHURCH

Vicar:

I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride

Kenzie looks on pleased as Violet and Gary kiss passionately.

The guests stand up and leave the church, closely followed by Gary and Violet, arm-in-arm.

CUT

simon and Ann's house

Simon and Ann are entering the house with baby Giles

ANN:

Right, you sit down and I'll make a brew.

Simon sits on a chair in the living room while Ann leaves the room to make a cup of tea.

SIMON:

(calling Ann from the living room)

Two sugars.

ANN:

(out of screen)

I know. You have only gone for a week or two not a whole lifetime, you know? Besides,I'll never forget what you have in your tea.

Ann returns with a bottle of champagne, not teas.

SIMON:

(delighted to see the champagne)

Wow, tea certainly has changed over the last few weeks.

ANN:

(jokingly)

Are you sure you want you're two sugars with that?

SIMON:

It's a bit early though, isn't it?

ANN:

(casual,happy)

Hey, Simon it's New Year's Eve! It's never too early on New Year's Eve!

CUT

IG11 Nightclub

Violet and Gary's wedding party are enjoying themselves. Ruby and Claire are very busy working.

CLAIRE:

(annoyed)

You never told me they were coming here.

RUBY:

I didn't know. I thought they were going to Beer Here.

CLAIRE:

(very annoyed)

Well, what are you going to do about it?

RUBY:

(calmly)

Hey, don't panic. Like i said, I'll get Debbie. She's here somewhere.

CLAIRE:

She is here to celebrate the New Year, not to work her arse off all night.

RUBY:

(calmly)

Well, maybe she can do both. Maybe us three can do both. I'll pay her double.

Ruby goes off to locate Debbie while Claire serves Kenzie.

SIMON AND ANN'S HOUSE

Simon and Ann are enjoying the champagne.

ANN:

(watching the clock)

Here we go Simon, get up.

Simon gets up and holds Ann's hand.

Simon And Ann;

Three...Two...One

Simon spills his glass of champagne as he tries to do the Auld Lang Syne dance with Ann.

The 'Auld Lang Syne' song is played during the next few shots/scenes of the celebrations.

Simon and Ann are merry, though Ann falls over drunk.

IG11 NIGHTCLUB

Debbie, now behind the bar, pours herself a glass of red wine.

Married couple Violet and Gary are dancing elegantly together. The music then ends.



NEW YEARS DAY

Woodland

Brian gets out of the BMW and then opens the passenger seat door to drag Matt out with him. He locks the car, leaving Jake in it.

Matt:

(scared)

What the hell are you doing to me?

Brian pushes Matt up against a tree and then unveils a gun from his pocket.

MATT:

(terrified, noticing the gun)

Okay Brian, just put it down.

CUT

Barking village square

Ann walks into Kevin's Corner Shop.

CUT

Kevin's corner shop

Ann picks up some milk and a loaf of bread and then turns to pay.

Ann:

Just these please, Kevin.

Kevin:

(As he scans the groceries)

I notice Simon is home.

ANN:

(pleased)

Yeah, he came home yesterday. I'm surprised you're open, Kevin.

KEVIN:

No, I've got nothing better to do while everyone else has a hangover.

CUT

THE 'JEFFERSON'S' FLAT', kitchen

CLAIRE:

(passing Paul and Fiona their cups of coffee)

Morning.

PAUL:

(delighted at sight of coffee)

Oh, how much I need this!

Fiona:

(pouring herself some vodka)

No thanks, Claire. I'm going for the hair of the dog technique.

PAUL:

(shaking his head)

It doesn't work, trust me. I watched something on TV about it last week.

FIONA:

Well, it works for me.

CLAIRE:

Anyway, I don't need to try any technique. Some of us have had to work on New Year's Eve, you know?

Claire picks up her coat and leaves the kitchen.

CLAIRE:

(out of screen)

Hence, I'm off to see Debbie and maybe Ruby as well.

The door is heard being slammed shut.

CUT

WOODLAND

Brian raises the gun to Matt's head. Jake sees this from the car and is shocked. He tries to open the door but can't. He picks up his rucksack.

MEDIUM:

Outside the car

Brian:

I've had enough of you. I don't care who sees, Matt, I am going to kill you.

Jake manages to use his heavy rucksack to smash the car window and climb out of it.

JAKE:

No, no, wait.

Brian turns, with the gun, to face Brian.

BRIAN:

I can shoot you too, you know.

JAKE:

(calmly)

Yeah, I understand but you don't want to shoot any of us. Yeah, I know we have betrayed you but look, you are making a huge mistake Brian.

CUT

DEBBIE'S FLAT

DEBBIE:

(pleased)

It's great to see you. Actually, I wanted to tell you something.

CLAIRE:

That's funny, so do I.

DEBBIE:

You first.

CLAIRE:

Okay. Well, I am so grateful for your help last night.

DEBBIE:

(happy)

Yeah, it was buzzing wasn't it?

CLAIRE:

(explaining clearly)

Yes and, actually, it is often like that. 1971 is a very popular club and, with customers comes demand, and, with demand, comes the potential ability to perfect the business. Though, to get that right, you need the right staffing levels and qualities. So, I am asking if you want to become a full-time member. What do you say?

Debbie hesitates uneasily.

CLAIRE:

(persuasively)

You were great, Debbie.

CUT

Beer Here

Ann enters. She searches the pub.

Danny:

(noticing Ann's movement)

Can I help you, Ann?

Ann:

Has Peter been in here?

DANNY:

(thinking)

No.

(surprised almost)

As a matter of fact, I haven't seen him since before Christmas. He must be visiting his Sister for the festive period.

ANN:

(lying, pretending to remember)

Oh, yeah. He did say something like that to me a few weeks ago. I'd forget my head if it wasn't screwed on.

Ann turns around to leave but her face is worried and uneasy.

CUT

WOODLAND

JAKE:

(persuasively)

So what? What if you do shoot him, where will you get then? In jail? On the run? A paranoid wreck? What a great life that is!

BRIAN:

(confused, unsure)

I don't know. I don't know what to do. Even if I don't shoot either of you, I still need to know you won't harm me or Ruby again.

JAKE:

And have I ever harmed you or Ruby? Yes, Matt made a mistake. He was angry and bitter. You know Matt, he can't control his emotions, like we can Brian.

MATT:

(shouting, almost hysterically)

What? I'm an outcast now, am I?

JAKE:

(shouting to Matt)

Look, do you want to live in 2009 or what?

CUT

DEBBIE'S FLAT

Debbie:

(trying to find an excuse feebly)

What about Ruby? Or Brian? They haven't verified this.

CLAIRE:

No but they will. I am visiting Ruby later and, whatever she says goes at the moment with Brian AWOL.

DEBBIE:

(cracking, admitting the truth)

Okay, Okay. I'm going to have to tell you sooner or later anyway. I'm leaving. There is no future for me here anymore. Luke's got justice now so I need to move on.

CLAIRE:

(upset)

But you can move on here, with me at 1971. Everyone knows you now. You can't leave Barking, Debbie!

CUT

WOODLAND

Brian is seen pointing the gun towards Matt. He puts his hand by the trigger. Will he shoot him?

The end.

pegasi_quill
12-16-2008, 09:32 PM
This is a follow-on from my last thread Christmas Drama Scripts

VIOLET AND gary's house, Violet and Gary’s, Why are you repeating yourself here? Gary is eating breakfast with Kenzie


KENZIE:

So, here we go again.

GARY:

((not prepared to react to Kenzie)) What exactly do you mean by this?

Yeah comma another year comes to an end.

KENZIE:

No, you know what I mean comma mate.

GARY:

((Resigned))

I know. New Year is almost overshadowed by this.

KENZIE:

Well, you decided to get married on New Year's Eve.

GARY:

(disagreeing)

Actually, we decided to get married a few weeks ago but your girlfriend ruined it.

KENZIE:

(sympathetic)

I know. Louise and I are sorry. It won't happen again, i capital assure you.

CUT

An inner city street, Brian gets out of his car and reads, in his head, cut this out, you can just incorporate it as ‘reads silently’ or something a piece of paper with an address on in his hand cut “in his hand”, redundant . He goes to the address.

BRIAN:

(while knocking on the door)

Jake! Matt! (pauses) I know you are in their. (pauses) Look, open the door, or otherwise I'll have to make my own where way in there!

A man opens the door brackets? Be consistent

BRIAN:

Hi, get the Chuckle Brothers. Both of them.

(Louder, and angry) Why the sudden change of emotion

Now!

The man gets Matt and Jake, who appear at the front door. Brian then violently drags both of them from the house into his car.

CUT

BARKING, IG11

RUBY:

It's just us tonight.

Claire:

(shocked)

what, on New Year's Eve? Where's your dad?

RUBY:

Out. We'll just have to bear with it. If it gets really busy, I'm sure that Debbie can lend a hand.

CLAIRE:

(offended)

That Debbie, you so eloquently put it, is actually one of my best mates and certainly not a voluntary worker.

RUBY:

(casually)

Fine, I'll pay her. You never know, she might do a good job and my dad can get her full-time to replace you.

Claire pulls a bemused face

CUT

Hospital,Simon's room- ann walks in with baby giles Capitals?

Simon:

(pleased to see Ann)

Ah, great to see you. You'll never guess what. (He pauses)They said I capital can go home today. Isn't that just fantastic?

Ann:

(pleased)

Really? Yeah, that's great. They'll be no partying tonight comma though.

SIMON:

(disheartened, confused)

Oh, were you planning on going out tonight?

ANN:

No, I've got Giles to look after.

(produces a small grin)

We've got Giles to look after. We'll have a family New Year. Hey, it's Violet and Gary's wedding today.

Simon:

(confused)

I thought they got married last month.

ANN:

No, Louise ruined it, remember? She thought Violet was evil or something stupid like that.

CUT

church, louise and kenzie are standing in a pew Capitals?? For the love of God learn to check your work before posting it!

KENZIE:

(whispering yet firmly)

Hey, just sit and watch, yeah? No interruptions.

Louise:

(innocently)

Yeah,I know. I made a mistake, that's all.

'Here comes the bride' starts to play as Violet begins to walk majestically down the church aisle.

KENZIE:

(whispering, proudly)

Here comes my sister.

Gary is seen waiting proudly with his face away from Violet.

CUT

Rural lane, Brian is speeding in his bmw with matt and jake in the back capitals

Matt:

(annoyed, yelling)

Where you taking us? Come on Brian its New Years Eve!

Brian keeps a straight, focused face and keeps silent.

jake: capital

Brian, look Matt is sorry.

MATT:

(defiantly)

No, I'm not.

JAKE:

(to Matt, shouting)

Look, do you want to live in 2009 or what?

MATT:

(to Jake but watching to see if Brian reacts)

He won't kill us. He won't even hurt us. He hasn't got the balls.

BRIAN:

(as he drives the car into a small, rural lane)

Are you quite sure about that?

The car comes to a screeching stop by a woodland.

CUT

CHURCH

Vicar:

I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride

Kenzie looks on pleased as Violet and Gary kiss passionately.

The guests stand up and leave the church, closely followed by Gary and Violet comma arm-in-arm.

CUT

simon and Ann's house capitals

Simon and Ann are entering the house with baby Giles

ANN:

Right, you sit down and I'll make a brew.

Simon sits on a chair in the living room while Ann leaves the room to make a cup of tea.

SIMON:

(calling Ann from the living room)

Two sugars.

ANN:

(out of screen)

I know. You have only gone for a week or two not a whole lifetime, you know? Besides, space I'll never forget what you have in your tea.

Ann returns with a bottle of champagne, not teas.

SIMON:

(delighted to see the champagne)

Wow, tea certainly has changed over the last few weeks.

ANN:

(jokingly)

Are you sure you want you're two sugars with that?

SIMON:

It's a bit early though, isn't it?

ANN:

(casual,happy)

Hey, Simon it's New Year's Eve! It's never too early on New Year's Eve!

CUT

IG11 Nightclub

Violet and Gary's wedding party are enjoying themselves. Ruby and Claire are very busy working.

CLAIRE:

(annoyed)

You never told me they were coming here.

RUBY:

I didn't know. I thought they were going to Beer Here.

CLAIRE:

(very annoyed)

Well, what are you going to do about it?

RUBY:

(calmly)

Hey, don't panic. Like i said, I'll get Debbie. She's here somewhere.

CLAIRE:

She is here to celebrate the New Year, not to work her arse off all night.

RUBY:

(calmly)

Well, maybe she can do both. Maybe us three can do both. I'll pay her double.

Ruby goes off to locate Debbie while Claire serves Kenzie.

SIMON AND ANN'S HOUSE

Simon and Ann are enjoying the champagne.

ANN:

(watching the clock)

Here we go Simon, get up.

Simon gets up and holds Ann's hand.

Simon And Ann;

Three...Two...One

Simon spills his glass of champagne as he tries to do the Auld Lang Syne dance with Ann.

The 'Auld Lang Syne' song is played during the next few shots/scenes of the celebrations.

Simon and Ann are merry, though Ann falls over drunk.

IG11 NIGHTCLUB

Debbie, now behind the bar, pours herself a glass of red wine.

Married couple Violet and Gary are dancing elegantly together. The music then ends.

You really need to learn to look over your work before you post it.

Anyway, better than your previous one, I thought; at least you’re exploring with language more here than you were before. You’re use of adjectives here is good, though perhaps not quite frequent enough ;)

The plot is a bit… bland, I think, though. Maybe work on that a bit.

Sarahsynthetics
01-26-2009, 11:12 AM
Your use of grammar has evolved nicely, although you're not quite there. As pegasi_quill said, READ OVER YOUR WORK BEFORE YOU POST! It's pretty irritating to read a post with poor punctuation, grammar, capitalization and spacing!

This time, think about stage set-up. Where are your characters? Kitchen, Dining room?

HOW do your characters speak? In what tone of voice?

Make sure your terminology is correct. "Out of screen" is usually "off screen" or "off stage".

I'm more or less covering what I said in your last script. Make sure you think about blocking etc.